WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS HAD A MISCARRIAGE

-Gee, I know... I’m having a rough time right now, too. The last thing they need right now is to hear about your
problems — unless someone you love just died, also. This is making it about “you” not them.
- I can imagine how you feel. If you haven’t lost a child, you can’t.
-It’s a blessing. Your baby probably was deformed. No matter your motives, this is not comforting or helpful.
-It’s not like it was a full-term baby. Some of us love our babies from the moment of conception. It was still a
living being and a part of their family.
-Please let me know if there’s anything I can do. It sounds nice, but it puts the burden on the bereaved person
to think of something, and then have to ask for help.
-God had a purpose for this. No matter whether this is true or not its neither helpful or comforting.
-You’re still young and healthy and can have more children. Maybe they could, maybe they couldn’t. How
would you feel if your wife had just died and someone said, “That’s too bad. On the other hand, there are lots of
other women out there and you’ll undoubtedly get married again.”?
-You can always have another. They don't want another baby, they want this baby.
-Now you have an angel looking after you. They don't want an angel, they want their baby back.
-It's for the best. Best for whom?
-At least you didn't know your baby. Whether you held your baby in your arms or only in your mind, this baby is
real and loved.
-There must have been something wrong... That’s neither comforting or helpful.
-Did you do something you weren't supposed to do? Miscarriages are rarely caused by anything the mother
does. This is insulting, hurtful and may cause the woman to worry that she did something to cause the death of her
baby.
-I understand how you feel. Even if you have had a miscarriage, every one feels their grief uniquely.
-Have you ever thought of not having children? Yes, they probably have. They probably worry that they may
never be a mother.
-Be grateful for the children you have... It isn't a question of being ungrateful or not appreciating what they
have. They have lost a child that cannot be replaced.